A Wounded Healer

I just started this new gig as a hospital chaplain here in the Chicagoland area. I am an intern, which means I am still a student, but my learning is not in a classroom. It's in getting thrown in and sinking or swimming--learning from success and failure.

Last Thursday our hospital took three of the Northern Illinois shooting victims. This was baptism by fire as they say. I stood in the swirling activity of the ER waiting for the helicopters to arrive with the victims. As I waited I imagined what I might see or be asked to do. And I started reflecting...

As I reflect on my learning from last week I am struck by the repetitive nature of my learning. The past week has been a time of revisiting my woundedness. I suppose there are things in everyone’s lives that despite our best efforts at self-knowledge and self-awareness, still rise up and sting us.

I had one of those weeks. Feeling like I had fallen back into negative patterns of thinking and acting. This was incredibly discouraging for me. I have achieved so much healing. It was strange. Things were bugging me, but it all felt superficial. Like I was “acting” at being bugged--cognitively I knew it was not how I was really thinking or feeling. Once again I was in a wrestling match with myself, having to free myself and throw off all that entangles.

I found myself revisiting my woundedness, failures and humiliations. And once again I was reminding myself there is no shame in the journey--despite the opinions of others. I talked and processed a great deal this week. It was a week of being tired. Tired of these same issues. Tired of talking about it. Tired of the same lessons. It was a week of feeling vulnerable and exposed. A week of re-accepting this is our proper stance before God.

God is merciful. Today, when He speaks to me, I bounce back in days instead of years. Today when He tries to stop me, I hear Him. He says to me, “I have chosen a better road for you. Do not deviate. Stay on the one I have for you.”

And Thursday night, when the NIU victims came into our doors, I stood calmly and confidently outside that trauma room. I knew there was no coincidence with what I had been through the past week and what was about to transpire that evening. I thought about Nouwen's classic book, The Wounded Healer, and I got it. God needed me acutely aware of my weakness and vulnerability so I could minister to others out of that place deep within me.

Stand Up Against Poverty

How does a stay-at-home mother of three end up at a fashion show in the city, meeting and talking with a world famous rock star?

About three years ago Bono came through the midwest on his Heart of America Tour. I attended this event with the sole purpose of seeing my favorite band's lead singer. I could have cared less what he was saying. U2 was my generation's Beatles! Posters of Bono plastered my highschool room and locker.

But what I heard that night changed my life. After hearing the sobering realities of extreme poverty and HIV/AIDS something happened to me. I woke up. I woke up to realities such as today 1 billion people live on less than a dollar a day. I woke up to the realization that I can make a difference.

Since attending the Heart of American Tour I have joined the ONE Campaign and worked to educate myself and others. I have emailed, called and visited my Congressmen. I was chosen to attend G8 Summits (2005 in Scotland and 2006 in Russia) as a ONE delegate urging world leaders to keep their promises to the world's poorest people. I have travelled to Kenya and I have seen first hand the results of our efforts. Such as a mother leaving an AIDS clinic with life saving medicine made available to her by the legislation I urged the President and Congress to pass and support.

I am involved in ONE not to meet Bono or other high profile people, but because I believe what they are saying. I join them in the belief that our generation can defeat poverty. As a suburban women I can do nothing alone. As a ONE member I can change the world.

At the G8 Summit

I feel like Sydney from an episode of ALIAS!! OK, minus the hot pink wig, the tight dress and the fluent Russian. This stay at home mom and ONE volunteer is taking in all the sights and sounds of the G8 Summit in St. Petersburg, Russia. The setting on an island in the Baltic Sea--which we travel to through security check points and only by boat--adds to the spy movie feel, but in reality it is all business here at the G8.

This morning I attended a press conference with President Bush and Russian President Putin. The men discussed very important global concerns including the nuclear weapon issue and the conflict in the mideast. Having never been in the same room with a U.S. President I was quite taken with it all. But throughout the press conference I kept having this nagging question.

With all this talk of war and conflict, extreme poverty kills thousands of people every day. Will world leaders fulfill their promises made last year at the G8 or will they break their word?

I attended the G8 Summit last year as a ONE delegate where G8 leaders promised $50 billion more in effective international assistance per year by 2010, with half of that for Africa. Some other promises included near universal access to AIDS drugs and care for AIDS orphans and to reduce the impact of malaria by 85% and help save the lives of 600,000 children every year. When it comes to these AID promises the G8 leaders are off track. America has made some increases in development assistance but more needs to be done. With debt the G8 has kept their promise canceling the debt of 19 countries. Will they make advances on trade as the recent collapse of trade talks threatens the poorest countries.

I’m just one, ordinary person who in this moment is having an extraordinary experience, and who is sitting in on Presidential press conferences. So far Bush has not asked for a sit down chat with me yet! And that is the power of ONE. As one person I’m just sitting in a room full of people with my silent questions. Together we are loud and those nagging concerns become points on the world leader’s agenda at the G8 Summit.

On Sunday the G8 leaders are scheduled to discuss these things. As ONE we need to urge G8 leaders to keep their promises to Africa and the world’s poorest people.